Monday, April 2, 2007

bite me, lady

A couple of weeks ago I bought a new mint-green cami tank to wear to yoga class. Previously, I had always worn one of two tank tops: purple or pink, so the fact that I wore my hot pink Crocs to and from class wasn't all that odd.

They don't go with my new top AT ALL (the combination is a little bit reminiscent of the 80's style hot pink/fluorescent green color combo), but at 6:30am on a Sunday morning, I'm not really thinking about color-coordinating my shoes to my outfit - it's mostly about habit at that point.

Every week on my way home from yoga, I stop at Jamba Juice. I get a smoothie for myself with a protein boost (because Ashtanga Yoga is hard work), and one for Brian, and sometimes I get Brandon his own, although he usually just steals ours. I used to tie a hoodie around my waist because I felt self-conscious about going out in public wearing sweaty yoga clothes - although goodness knows that there usually aren't too many people in there at 8:30am on a Sunday morning. Nowadays I don't bother with the hoodie. I feel like I'm totally justified in going to get a smoothie after an hour and a half of sweaty, intense yoga, and if anyone doesn't like it, they can bite me.

Today a woman was at Jamba Juice who I recognized - she lives across the street from me. I've talked to her once, when her dog escaped and she spent the entire evening driving up and down the street looking for it. Um, okay, I've never had a dog and therefore have never had to search for a lost dog, but maybe driving up and down the block isn't the best way to search. I mean, on our block, there's TONS of open space behind the houses - on both sides of the street. The dog was probably halfway to the H1 and she was driving up and down the same block for hours on end. Duh. Anyway, the extent of our relationship up to this point consisted of the following conversation:

"Have you seen my dog?"


Anyway. I've never seen her wear anything other than super-baggy denim shorts (like, 5 or 6 sizes too big), and a t-shirt that's even bigger. Actually, in the "winter" (when the weather is maybe 5-10 degrees cooler than the summer, so LOW 80's as opposed to high 80's) she often wears a sweatshirt. Hugely oversized, of course.

So here we both are at Jamba Juice. I'm wearing my sweaty yoga clothes and hot pink crocs, and she's wearing her usual bag-o-rama, with stringy hair - I don't know how it's possible for hair to look like that so early in the day, unless she just doesn't brush it.

I make eye contact and smile. I'm fully prepared, antisocial hermit though I am, to say hi and strike up a nice conversation. Does she smile back? No. She raises her eyebrows and scans slowly down my body, lingering at the shoes.

Okay, so the shoes don't match, whatever. YOU'RE ONE TO TALK, LADY, as if your Louis Vuitton purse (which I suspect wasn't even real) really goes with YOUR outfit - XXL t-shirt and shorts so big that they're not just baggy, they're almost the length of capris.

Maybe you take offense to the fact that I'm wearing tight clothes? Lady, people come into Jamba Juice wearing bikini tops. I have every right to wear what I'm wearing. I don't need your approval on my yoga gear. Or maybe you're one of those bitter women who hate the "lucky bitches" who are in shape after having children. It's not luck. It's called exercise. Try it.

It's odd that I feel such hostility and defensiveness after spending the morning centering myself on the mat. I guess it's something that I just have to work on. But seriously, this white trash ho-bag can BITE MY SHINY METAL ASS.

And for the record, as soon as I get my first paycheck (I haven't posted about my new job yet, but I will soon), I am going to get this new style of crocs, in an as-yet-undecided neutral color.


Mother Hoodwink said...

I saw those new crocs. I think they're so cute. The other crocs are super comfy but I didn't think they looked right on me. The new ones are more my style.

And new job? Give me the scoop.

Kerry said...

Yeah, they're way cuter than the regular crocs. They don't really look right on anyone (except toddlers). They would be my gardening shoes, if I had a garden.

I don't know whether to get black or silver. I'm not really a black shoe person, but Brandon has silver crocs and I don't want to be too matchy-cutesy.

As for the job, I'm going to be teaching music classes for kids age 0-5. I start apprenticing on Tuesday and I'll have my own classes starting this summer. So instead of paying to bring Brandon to class, I get paid. And I still get to bring Brandon. Rockin.

Mother Hoodwink said...

That's so cool. I would love a job where I could bring the boy. Is it for something on base or a place out in town? I'm so jealous of all the mommy and me type things you're offered. We don't have anything like that around here. If there is it's a long drive away. Oh well. Congrats on the job!

Kerry said...

It's out in town, although about half of the families are military. It's a pretty big program, they have classes all over. There MUST be one near you.
It's an amazing program, really. I'll write a lot more about it tomorrow after my first day apprenticing. :)

Mother Hoodwink said...

Nope, not one. Stupid nowhere Tennessee! It does look really cool though.