Friday, May 11, 2007

Ergo to the rescue, again

We were having a typical afternoon. It's pretty warm out, so we were hanging out inside. Brandon was about halfway through The Muppet Movie, and I was at the computer working on our itinerary for our trip back East next month. I got up to get something from the kitchen (can't remember what) and saw an ENORMOUS COCKROACH climbing up the cabinet doors. The thing was seriously at least 2 inches long - 5 or more including the antennae.

Bugs don't usually bother me that much, but this thing freaked. me. out. It scurried on top of the refrigerator. I stood there, wondering if it was going to stay there, or scurry down the back of the fridge and back through whatever hole in the wall let it in here, when it LEAPED OFF OF THE REFRIGERATOR AT ME!!

I screamed, which of course freaked Brandon out. I ran into the living room, scooped him up, jumped up onto the couch, and sat up on the back of it, holding him, both of us shaking. The darn thing was so BIG that I could hear it moving around. I don't mean that I could hear it brushing against papers or whatever - I mean I could actually hear its legs moving. Groooooossss.

Eventually I calmed down enough to let Brandon back down onto the floor. He walked towards the kitchen and stopped, staring at something. I walked over to him and saw what he was looking at - THE ROACH! He wasn't afraid of it. In fact, he was just a little bit too curious for my comfort. So I did what any mother in her right mind would do - I brought him upstairs to put him in a fresh diaper, then packed him into the Ergo carrier and left the house.

When I grabbed my keys on the way out the door, I saw the roach lying on its back in a corner of the kitchen. I didn't trust for a second that it was actually dead. I was sure that it had merely faked its own death, to get me to let my guard down. I knew that as soon as I tried to pick it up, it would leap back to life and go for my jugular. So out the door we went.

I had been trying to figure out how I was going to test out the Ergo to decide whether or not I would be able to use it extensively as a stroller alternative while we're on "vacation" (I put that in quotes because visiting family is NOT a vacation as far as I'm concerned). I have to admit that I ended up with some pain between my shoulderblades, but to be fair, I was already pretty tense when I put it on. Also, Brandon is a LOT heavier than he was the last time I carried him for any length of time, and no matter how comfortable the carrier is, a 27-pound toddler is still a 27-pound toddler. I will say that I had considerably less discomfort with a 27-pound Brandon in the Ergo than I did with a 17-pound Brandon in a pouch sling. I should also mention that the chest clip was a little uncomfortable, because it was brushing directly against my skin (I was wearing a tank top). Overall, though - it was great. Seriously. The verdict? I'm still bringing the stroller with me but I'll be using the Ergo when we take our day trips into the city (cities).

I carried Brandon down the hill to the drug store and back up again (overall, probably close to an hour), and then I let him out to play at the playground. He wasn't terribly interested in playing, though, and we walked home. When we got home, I put his movie back on and grabbed a flyswatter to take care of the roach.

It was still where it was when we left. I was fairly, although not completely, convinced that it was actually dead - plus I was just too tired and hot to be scared anymore. I started to scoop it up with the flyswatter - and its legs started flailing. So I put a gladware container over it, slid the flyswatter under it, took it out the front door and dumped it on the grass, legs flailing away.

My Lord in Heaven, what an afternoon.


Tara said...

OMG!!! You are SOOOOOO much braver than me. Remember when we first got to New Orleans and we were staying in the BEQ? One morning after Josh went to work, I went to the bathroom without my glasses on and as I sat peeing I could see this black blob across the bathroom floor. I actually said out loud, "That's not a.... Oh fuck!" Then jumped off the toilet, grabbed my glasses and freaked the fuck out.

I had never seen a roach in person before. I called Josh who told me to hit it with a shoe but I couldn't because that required me to get close to it. I ended up closing the bathroom door and shoving a towel under the door so it couldn't escape. When Josh got back he went in the bathroom and killed the roach.

When we were in our house in New Orleans, there were two occasions that I found a roach on its back. Both times I waited for Josh to come home and dispose of it and I didn't step foot in the kitchen until it was gone. I fucking hated New Orleans.

That's another thing. Why is it that roaches have stuck around for millions of years and yet fall on their back and become totally helpless? I don't get it.

Kerry said...

You know, I honestly believed that it was dead or dying. It was gone from the front lawn when Brian got home, though, and he yelled at me for not squishing it because now it will go and lay eggs. Fabulous.

We actually never had roaches in New Orleans. Our main problem was ants. And, you know, being discriminated against for being yankees.