Wednesday, April 30, 2008

the things you hear

I've been listening to some not-very-pleasant things lately. An inconsolably gassy 2-week-old. A cranky 2-year-old. Elmo's Potty Time. But yesterday I heard something really, really nice.

"Ohhhh, beebee, ah-yah-yoo."

Translation: "Oh, Baby, I love you."

Of course I then had to keep the speaker of this adorableness from crushing the baby while giving him a kiss...but it was definitely a lovely thing to hear.

Friday, April 18, 2008

according to Brandon, lava is "hah"!

While I continue to work on my birth story (and I promise that I am working on it), I figured I should keep on posting about other things, too, when I get the chance.

Brandon has been talking a lot more lately. I mean, he's always been very vocal, but not very verbal. He finally seems to be at the stage where he says at least one new thing every day. Today is "boo-bah" for football (we think). Two of the things he's started saying this week are "cool!" and "heck yeah!" I wish I was kidding.

Also, and I have to mention this because it's blowing my mind, we are going to the Big Island for three nights in July and the total cost for flight, accommodations, and rental car is less than $850. Seriously, who gets a Hawaiian vacation for $850? Of course, it helps when you can take a commuter flight and stay at a military camp. ;) A cabin right inside the Volcano National Park! How cool is that? I'm psyched.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

I Did It

Jackson is here! And he is Big! 9lbs, 7.9oz, coming home today. Details are impractical from a cameraphone. Stay tuned.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

thanks, mom!

So I just found out that you can now upload 90-second video clips to Flickr...if you're a Pro member. Which I am (my mom got me a membership for my birthday). Thanks mom!

Now to find videos to upload...not sure I have anything cool enough...

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

random happy stuff

A couple of weeks ago I got a Williams Sonoma catalog in the mail. I don't know how I got on the mailing list, but I can tell you that I enjoyed flipping through it immensely. I decided, after viewing the demonstration video on their website, that I wanted the Bialetti Mukka Glass Cappuccino Maker. So since I live in Hawaii I checked out how much the shipping would be and it was ridiculous. I found the aluminum version on Amazon and added it to my wishlist, even though I really want the glass one (which is exclusive to Williams Sonoma), because it is just so freaking cool to watch the milk froth up like that. (Watch the video, seriously, it's awesome.) Also, I can't help but wonder, if you can't see the espresso bubble up and the milk frothing, how do you know when it's finished?

Well anyway, it just occurred to me literally out of nowhere that I had never checked to see if there is an actual Williams Sonoma store in Hawaii. I doubted it, but figured it couldn't hurt to check.

There is. It's at the mall I was at two days ago. Score!

I don't exactly have an extra $100 laying around right now, but if at some point in the future I do have an extra $100, I will be able to get the cappuccino maker I want without paying $30 in shipping. ROOOOOOCK!

In other random happy news (I guess it's more cute than specifically happy), even though Brandon knows how to say "cheese", he has been asking for cheese lately by going to the fridge and saying "mouse". I'm not really sure how he managed to make the mouse/cheese association, but I thought it was pretty cute.

pregnant forever, like Bonnie on Family Guy

(Just a quick note before I start, I'm going to be trying to use Hypnobabies terminology from here on out. Pressure wave or surge = contraction; birthing time = labor; guess date = due date)

So I feel pretty silly right about now. First of all, how ridiculous is it that I'm getting impatient with almost two weeks to go until my guess date? Never mind that this baby has already stayed in 5 days longer than Brandon could honestly be any time between now and May and still be completely within the range of normal.

I feel silly, though, because I made no secret of the fact that I thought he would be here last week. I was honestly really trying to keep him in "for just a few more days". I was so worried that he'd come before April, because I really want an April baby. (Now, of course, I'm worried he'll stay in until May!) And Brian had some really important stuff going on at work last week that he really couldn't miss, so I was really, really focusing on "no earlier than Thursday."

So I feel ridiculous now. Because every single person I talk to says something to the effect of, "you haven't had that baby yet?" My coworkers said it to me when I took Brandon to a music class on Friday. My yoga teacher said it on Sunday morning. (She had actually been at the music class on Friday with her twins and even she was sure I'd get my birthing time started that day with all of the jumping up and down and whatnot.) All of Brian's coworkers said it on Sunday afternoon when we went to a Big Band concert at the mall - seriously, I got it about 8 times within a minute and a half. My chiropractor said it yesterday. Brian calls me at least three times a day to ask if I'm having pressure waves. My guess date isn't until the 19th! But it's my own fault for being so sure he would be just as early as Brandon.

To be fair though, this is what I've been dealing with from myself: the baby dropped at around 34 or 35 weeks, and again at 36 (he started out high and now he is crazy low). At 35 weeks I started feeling a lot of downward pressure. The weekend that I turned 37 weeks, I started having (fairly intense) pressure waves that last five minutes or more, every couple of hours. Last Wednesday I started feeling crampy - you know that feeling like your period is about to start? With Brandon that happened on Tuesday and he was born on Saturday. I've been losing my mucous plug in little bits for at least a week. Some time last week...I don't even remember anymore what day it was...the crazy long pressure waves started alternating with normal-ish ones (1-2 minutes) that are followed by another two or three minutes of intense downward pressure. (Like I had with Brandon, except that the pressure was in my back with him, so at least I know this one's head is going in the right direction.) The pressure that follows the surge is actually a LOT harder to deal with than the surge itself. A lot. Well anyway, this happens maybe once or twice an hour. Not regularly, though - it'll be maybe 2 that are 9 minutes apart, and then it'll be 2.5 hours with nothing. I wake up hourly at night, I'm nauseous when I get up in the morning, Sunday morning I woke up to a pressure wave that lasted NINE MINUTES, and I didn't manage to avoid the stretch marks like I did last time. They are getting worse every day. Every once in a while when I stand up, I can feel my hip bones spreading apart. For a while on...Thursday, maybe?...I was walking around like I had just climbed off of a horse because I felt like my pelvis was about to fall apart.

So is it any wonder that I spent a whole week going to bed every night thinking, "tomorrow is the day"???

At this point, I'm starting to accept these pressure waves as something I just have to live with, and I've pretty much decided that this baby is never coming out. I'm going to be pregnant forever. That might seem like a negative thought to have, but it's actually pretty liberating. I never made it to this point in pregnancy with Brandon, the point where you just want to get it over with already, and I just don't know any other way to deal with it. Visualizing isn't working. Walking, pineapple, Italian food and driving on bumpy roads aren't working. I give up. He can just stay in, and that's okay. Whatever.

Monday, April 7, 2008

Friday, April 4, 2008

well, I made it to Thursday

So everyone, this is why I don't believe in routine cervical checks in late pregnancy.
  1. It doesn't really tell you anything. You could walk around at 3-4 cm for three weeks or start your birthing time (aka labor) completely closed up.
  2. It could either get your hopes up or leave you feeling completely deflated.
  3. If you start spotting and cramping afterwards you end up wondering, is something starting? Or is this because of the internal exam?
All weekend I was having pressure waves (hypno-speak for contractions) every couple of hours that were lasting, no joke, five minutes or more. And they were intense. Because I'm doing hypnosis, I choose not to describe them as painful, even in my own mind (which actually works, believe it or not) - but I can totally see how most people would perceive it as pain. (It is, after all, a very intense, not particularly comfortable sensation that you're not used to feeling.)

Anyway, it sucked, but I was dealing with it really well, mostly because I had the thought in my mind that these pressure waves are doing something. I never had anything like that before I started my birthing time with Brandon. I also never felt so much downward pressure and he never dropped as low as this baby has. So I figured...I won't be starting from scratch this time, and therefore it will be shorter, and easier.

So I asked to be checked yesterday. Out of curiosity, and to confirm this feeling that things are moving along.

They're not. 1 cm, the same as two weeks ago. I had fully excpected to be at least at 3. Or 2, even. Some progress. Nope.

It didn't help that I had an OB yesterday instead of one of the midwives. (One of them is on leave so they're shorthanded - when that happens, they end up having to have OB's cover the clinic appointments because, obviously, the L&D rotation takes priority!) She was giving me the standard briefing on how to know when I'm in labor, when to come in, etc, and when she got to the part about how it could go really fast this time because it's a second baby so don't wait too long to come, she said something along the lines of, "well, if it was 32 hours last time then it's not going to go too fast this time...but I guess it could..."

Gee, thanks. How encouraging. Every single midwife I've seen has told me, "it will be better this time." No promises that it will be super fast, of course, but at least they weren't saying things like that.

I thought to myself, "well, I have been telling myself NOT to have this baby until at least Thursday. So maybe my mind really is that powerful. It's time to tell this baby that it's okay to come out, if he's ready. If he's not, then he's not, but if he is, then it's time to stop fighting it." As soon as I got in the car, I started feeling a crazy amount of downward pressure. When I got home, I started spotting. The crampy feeling I'd had since the morning intensified. I took a nap, woke up, and felt like I couldn't get up off the couch to make dinner - so I didn't. I started having pressure waves 15-20 minutes apart. (Normal ones, lasting less than a minute.)

And then they stopped. Completely.


So now I don't know if the cramping and spotting are the early signs that something will start happening in the next couple of days (which is what happened with Brandon) or if it was just caused by having had an internal exam (which I never did before I went into labor with Brandon). And I feel like the biggest idiot in the world for asking to be checked.

Well, at any rate, Brandon was born at 37 weeks, 5 days, at 9:01am, so this baby has already stayed in 11 minutes longer than Brandon did. And I've been saying all along that I thought he would stay in longer, so at least I was right about that.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

"Don't fight the wave, you can't fight these big waves"

People say that there is no greater yoga lesson than parenthood. I disagree. While it's certainly true that parenthood is one lesson after another in living in the moment and letting go, I'm going to go with military life as the single biggest test of one's ability to live your yoga off the mat. You don't know where you're going next or even necessarily when, and if you don't like it, there really isn't anything you can do about it. You have to ask yourself, is getting upset going to accomplish anything? Or will it just sap my energy, make me miserable, make my children miserable, and make life generally unpleasant?

So, mahalo and domo arigato, US Navy, for teaching me, yet again, that it's pointless to try to control anything. Any illusion of control is just that, an illusion. Let it be.


I had a baby last night, and his name is Jimi Van Clapton Nefferdorf.

I almost kept a straight face while typing that. April Fools!

Seriously, though. Soon. On the other hand, I've been walking around talking about how I'm trying to keep him in until at least Thursday, so just watch him stay in for another four weeks or something.

And, no, he won't be named after three guitar gods. Although the name does have a ring to it.