Friday, April 4, 2008

well, I made it to Thursday

So everyone, this is why I don't believe in routine cervical checks in late pregnancy.
  1. It doesn't really tell you anything. You could walk around at 3-4 cm for three weeks or start your birthing time (aka labor) completely closed up.
  2. It could either get your hopes up or leave you feeling completely deflated.
  3. If you start spotting and cramping afterwards you end up wondering, is something starting? Or is this because of the internal exam?
All weekend I was having pressure waves (hypno-speak for contractions) every couple of hours that were lasting, no joke, five minutes or more. And they were intense. Because I'm doing hypnosis, I choose not to describe them as painful, even in my own mind (which actually works, believe it or not) - but I can totally see how most people would perceive it as pain. (It is, after all, a very intense, not particularly comfortable sensation that you're not used to feeling.)

Anyway, it sucked, but I was dealing with it really well, mostly because I had the thought in my mind that these pressure waves are doing something. I never had anything like that before I started my birthing time with Brandon. I also never felt so much downward pressure and he never dropped as low as this baby has. So I figured...I won't be starting from scratch this time, and therefore it will be shorter, and easier.

So I asked to be checked yesterday. Out of curiosity, and to confirm this feeling that things are moving along.

They're not. 1 cm, the same as two weeks ago. I had fully excpected to be at least at 3. Or 2, even. Some progress. Nope.

It didn't help that I had an OB yesterday instead of one of the midwives. (One of them is on leave so they're shorthanded - when that happens, they end up having to have OB's cover the clinic appointments because, obviously, the L&D rotation takes priority!) She was giving me the standard briefing on how to know when I'm in labor, when to come in, etc, and when she got to the part about how it could go really fast this time because it's a second baby so don't wait too long to come, she said something along the lines of, "well, if it was 32 hours last time then it's not going to go too fast this time...but I guess it could..."

Gee, thanks. How encouraging. Every single midwife I've seen has told me, "it will be better this time." No promises that it will be super fast, of course, but at least they weren't saying things like that.

I thought to myself, "well, I have been telling myself NOT to have this baby until at least Thursday. So maybe my mind really is that powerful. It's time to tell this baby that it's okay to come out, if he's ready. If he's not, then he's not, but if he is, then it's time to stop fighting it." As soon as I got in the car, I started feeling a crazy amount of downward pressure. When I got home, I started spotting. The crampy feeling I'd had since the morning intensified. I took a nap, woke up, and felt like I couldn't get up off the couch to make dinner - so I didn't. I started having pressure waves 15-20 minutes apart. (Normal ones, lasting less than a minute.)

And then they stopped. Completely.

Sigh.

So now I don't know if the cramping and spotting are the early signs that something will start happening in the next couple of days (which is what happened with Brandon) or if it was just caused by having had an internal exam (which I never did before I went into labor with Brandon). And I feel like the biggest idiot in the world for asking to be checked.

Well, at any rate, Brandon was born at 37 weeks, 5 days, at 9:01am, so this baby has already stayed in 11 minutes longer than Brandon did. And I've been saying all along that I thought he would stay in longer, so at least I was right about that.

1 comment:

Tara said...

Don't beat yourself up over being checked. I know it's hard but just relax. You'll know when it's time.