Friday, July 25, 2008

*sigh*

So...things took a bit of a turn for the worse when I went back to the hospital with dinner. Brandon's dinner was being delivered right as I got there, and I found Brandon playing with Daddy next door in the playroom. He seemed excited to go back to his room and eat dinner, and he climbed right onto his bed and started eating lemon jello and the peach yogurt I had brought from home, along with the Capri Sun packet which we had dumped into a Mickey Mouse sippy cup (he'd been refusing to drink from a straw all day, for whatever reason).

Then he saw the food Brian was eating. He asked for chicken and of course we couldn't give it to him. This devolved into a minor tantrum, wanting to go back to the play room. I eventually brought him over there when he calmed down a bit and said "please".

Eventually, though...and I don't even remember exactly how it happened...he threw another tantrum that just would not quit. About a half an hour into it (at 7pm), his new nurse (new shift) came in, and I asked her if they could give him something to help him sleep. She looked at me like I was the worst mother ever and said, "we don't do that." She said that he'd be getting more Tylenol with codeine at 8:30 and that should help him sleep. "It didn't help him take a nap," I said. Because it really didn't.

After about an hour I finally got Brandon to calm down a bit - the only thing that keeps him calm is sitting in my lap and watching Dan Zanes videos on my iPod. Unfortunately, I can't take care of Jackson (who has been on a kick lately of barely eating during the day and nursing practically nonstop all night) while Brandon is on my lap, so even though they would have let me stay and keep the baby with me (since I'm breastfeeding), and even though I wanted to stay, and Brian wanted me to stay, and Lord knows Brandon wanted me to stay...it just wasn't physically possible for me to take care of both kids at the same time by myself. So Brian stayed.

The only thing more heartbreaking than listening to your child screaming "Home! Home! Home!" when you can't bring him home, is hearing him scream "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" as you walk away.

The last time I talked to Brian on the phone, at 9:20, Brandon was still screaming. That's almost 2.5 hours of almost non-stop screaming, and he had surgery on his throat this morning! I'm quite honestly shocked that they won't just sedate the poor kid. I'm going to be honest with you, he's had tantrums like this at bedtime a couple of times before, always when he's overtired and in extreme pain from teething. (Which he happens to be right now, on top of the surgery.) And you know what finally helps him to calm down and fall asleep? A dose of benadryl. Don't get me wrong, I don't regularly drug my child, but if he is just completely unable to calm down and go to sleep, I help him out. That's what he needs now. And they won't give it to him, they're letting him scream himself hoarse. Despite having had surgery on his throat 13 hours ago. It's mind-boggling.

All I can do now is hope and pray that he's calmed down and gone to sleep. I wish I was able to be there. I wish that we had gotten this done before Jackie was born. I wish that this was easier for everybody, especially Brandon. But right now I have to go try to get some sleep so that I can get through tomorrow.

2 comments:

Mother Hoodwink said...

Aw, poor guy. Can't all that screaming make it more difficult for him to heal? When can he come home?

I hope you're not beating yourself up for giving him benadryl. It's not like you keep him sedated. Every now and then is not a big deal.

He'll be feeling better soon and be sleeping better! Hang in there.

Kerry said...

That was exactly my concern, that the screaming would make it harder for him to heal. They didn't seem to be concerned as long as he wasn't bleeding. They also served him crispy bacon for breakfast, though, so I suspect that not everyone on that ward really knows what they're doing.

I don't feel bad about the Benadryl at all. I just really wish I could have given him some last night.