Sunday, August 10, 2008

in conclusion, ergo, thus, moreover, stay in school

While looking for recipes for strawberry shortcake in layer-cake form, I found this recipe. Being an obsessive reader of reviews, I clicked on the "Reviews" button and found this gem from Pablo from New York:
"DID NOT ENJOY THE CHUNKS OF MEAT....the jell-o mixd with baking powder instigated a poultry-like benign mass. THe one plus to this recipe is that it was SO VERY MOIST, or so it seemed. that is the one compliment i kept getting from my pirate guests. They were all like "Woah, this strawberry pie is so moist" and I was all like "Woah, Thank you kindly". However; after furthermore refridgeration the moist seemed to designate like a fog on its way to mass. IN conclusion, ergo, thus, moreover, this cake are good"

Wait... what?

  1. There's no jell-o in this recipe. There's a bit of a difference between jell-o and gelatin.
  2. The gelatin and the baking powder aren't supposed to be mixed together. The baking powder goes in the cake, and the gelatin goes in the frosting.
  3. Pirate guests? Does he mean polite? Or was he really serving strawberry shortcake to pirates?
  4. Wait, strawberry pie? I thought this was a recipe for cake? I guess that's what happens when you just throw all of the ingredients (or approximations thereof) into a pan together without reading the instructions.
  5. further+more = a completely different word that means neither "further" nor "more".
  6. I hate it when my moist designates. Especially when it designates not only like a fog, but like a fog on its way to mass.
  7. That last sentence almost made my brain try to escape through my ear. Do you think he typed "in conclusion" into a thesaurus and when 3 alternatives came up, he couldn't decide which one to use, so he just used all of them?
I think I'm going to try this recipe, despite the meaty chunks that might be instigated. I'm pretty confident that if I follow the instructions, it might just come out like a cake.


Kosher Tofu said...

Mother Hoodwink said...

OMG, I laughed through this whole thing. Why can't I hear the "DID NOT ENJOY THE CHUNKS OF MEAT" in anything other than a obnoxiously thick New York accent? Like Pablo is some fat mobster.

Thanks for the laugh.

Mother Hoodwink said...

Also, I noticed that he still gave the recipe 4 out of 5 stars.

Something went terribly wrong in his kitchen. Maybe all the pirates were distracting him.

Kerry said...

I KNOW, RIGHT?? If there's so much wrong with it, why give it 4 stars?

Dianne said...

that was hilarious! and unfortunately REAL!

the level of education in this country just keeps 'designating'

Ty'sMommy said...

Ok, I think my catholic high school english teacher just had a seizure from the sheer stupidity emanating from Pablo.