Sunday, February 13, 2011

endurance

One of the most valuable things that I learned while preparing for / engaging in natural childbirth is endurance. One of my favorite quotes of all time is something that John Mayer tweeted a year or two ago: "True endurance doesn't begin until the moment you find carrying on to be completely unfathomable." What that means, to me, is that you go until you really, honestly can't do it anymore...then you steady your breathing and keep on going. This is true of pushing a stroller up a hill, running on a treadmill, staying in control of yourself through a particularly strong contraction, and simply living during a deployment.

It's hard. It's really, really hard. There isn't anything I have to do now, with my husband away, that I wouldn't normally have to do anyway; but for some inexplicable reason, there is extra pressure. I couldn't begin to tell you where that pressure comes from, but I feel it. It means that there's an even heavier tightness in my chest than usual, it means that my temper is even shorter than usual, it means that all I want to do is sleep. It means that we go out somewhere, anywhere, pretty much every day just to get out of the house and avoid the daily drudgery of folding the laundry and doing the dishes AGAIN. It means that I go ahead and let the boys eat hot dogs or ramen for dinner because I just can't muster the energy to cook something more involved. It means that we're late for school in the morning because we can't get out the door in time; it means that I'm up all night because I forget to go to bed without someone here to remind me.

It's hard. It's really, really hard. Steady your breathing, and just keep on going.